Despite this week’s seemingly innocuous challenge, I once again find myself struggling to determine what the topic means to me. And, in usual form, I have chosen to ignore the voice in my head yelling, “just take a stupid photo and be done with it!” What fun is that when I can instead sit here at 2:52 a.m. and overanalyze my reaction to the word? It’s not like I need to sleep or anything.
After a bit of pondering on the subject I have decided that “forward” is making me feel so panicky because I have undoubtedly forgotten how to move forward. Honestly, all I have done since I finished school is vacillate between standing still and turning in circles. At this point, I’m not sure which is worse… the overwhelming numbness that comes from stillness or the disconcerting vertigo from circling.
It’s like I just keep waiting for Simon to swoop in and tell me what to do. Simon says, “touch your nose”. Simon says, “touch your toes”. Simon says, “eat a salad every day”. “Simon says, “give up practicing law and __” (fill in blank with fulfilling career that is a perfect fit for me). “Buy a new Kate Spade bag”. Simon didn’t say… darn it.
Ultimately, I know that I can’t wait around for the elusive Simon to appear and start ordering me around. And, as much as I wish that I could magically wake up tomorrow with all the answers, I must find the courage to take that first step forward on my own. I guess that I should take the advice of Richard from Texas (according to Elizabeth Gilbert’s memoir “Eat, Pray, Love”): “See, now that’s your problem. You’re wishin‘ too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be.” Easier said than done, Richard from Texas. Easier said than done.
For me, getting things done is all about planning and organization. So, I think it is time to start a list…